


Never Underestimate Bilbo Baggins

by Dach



Series: Galadriel's Hairpin Box [2]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Clueless Bilbo Baggins, Crack, Dragon Bilbo Baggins, During The Hobbit, Gandalf Likes to Keep Secrets, Gen, Humor, Shameless Rearrangment of Dwarf-Arrival, This is the Result of Sleep Deprivation and Semi-Human Conversations, blame my friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-24
Updated: 2017-01-24
Packaged: 2018-09-19 17:21:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9452099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dach/pseuds/Dach
Summary: The Company, led by Gandalf, goes to recruit Bilbo. Who, of course, happens to be unaware of this and enjoying the day sitting on top of Bag End... as a dragon.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kenzie_Perth](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kenzie_Perth/gifts).



“I'm telling you, Gandalf,” Thorin was saying, as he marched at the head of The Company. His ability to maintain a glower was impressive as ever. “Any of these hobbits would make better orc-bait than burglars!”

Gandalf merely chuckled in his ever-elusive fashion and shook his head. “Bilbo Baggins,” he declared, “is no mere hobbit! He knows his gold better than even you, my dear Thorin, and if he ever plays orc-bait, it will be of his own free will!”

Gloin grumbled, already put off by the overly friendly demeanor of the creatures puttering about Hobbiton. “He’d wet his pants before tha’ happened!” declared the dwarf, drawing cheers and laughter from his companions. Gandalf scowled impressively and strode forwards a little further, if only to put more distance between him and his travelling company.

“Never,” the wizard called over his shoulder, “underestimate Bilbo Baggins! At the very least you stubborn creatures might appreciate his willingness to-” Gandalf stopped abruptly, Ori very nearly running into his still back. Grumbles arose from the group, and Thorin crossed his arms and raised his eyebrow, no doubt in anticipation of the information Gandalf was indubitably about to divulge.

“Oh dear,” Gandalf said at long last. And that was the bread roll that broke the pony’s back.

“What is it, you blasted wizard?” Dwalin demanded, loudly enough for the surrounding hobbits to look at him in mild alarm.

“Err…” Gandalf smiled in what could only be anxiety. “I may have forgotten to alert dear Master Baggins of your arrival.”

You could have heard a coin drop. “You,  _ what _ ?!” Thorin’s voice was deep and dangerous, and Gandalf had the decency to look apologetic. 

“Not to worry!” he tried to console. “Hobbits love their visitors! As long as you don’t touch anything in his home, the same applies to dear Master Bilbo.”

Balin rolled his eyes. “Ye’d think ye were born yesterday, Master Wizard!” chuckled the advisor. “At this point, yer jus’ restating that Hobbits welcome visitors!”

Gandalf allowed chuckle. The anxiety clear in his mirth unnoticed by all but a thief, whose eyes narrowed in slight suspicion. Nori let the wizard’s uneasiness slide, resolving to keep a solid eye on him for the rest of the day.

They tromped on in relative silence, and soon, Bofur began to hum a song from the rear of the group. Fili and Kili recognized the tune at once and, much to their uncle’s chagrin, sang along boisterously. Then, Gloin joined in to sing a particularly raunchy line; something which caused Dori to squawk indignantly. After that, the rest of The Company joined in, not counting Dori (who was scandalised at the singing of his brothers and friends), and Thorin, who’s permanent scowl was unrelenting. Gandalf chuckled, and offered the King his pipe, which the dwarf batted away with a murderous glare. 

Two verses and countless wide-eyed hobbit bystanders later, the front of the group stepped out of the shelter of the trees. Gandalf halted at once, throwing his hands out as if to stop The Company from progressing any further. Thorin just huffed, dodging the wizard’s hand and continuing towards the large, green hill. The rest of the dwarves followed much the same suit.

The King surveyed the home with an approving nod, noting gladly how it was underneath the largest hill in Hobbiton; it was one of the few well-known things about dwarven culture that such a thing signified talent, or excellent social standing. And so, even if the grass was much shorter (it was really more of a kelly green fuzz) than the stuff in the surrounding meadows, and the door more of a brown, oddly shaped tile mosaic, he knocked loudly. Just as he did, a small shriek came from behind the king, and he turned to see Nori grabbing both of his brothers by the braids and hauling them from behind a bush. And, not more than a second later, the rest of The Dwarves’ eyes widened, and they stepped back in unison. Dwalin reached for his axe. 

Frowning in concern, Thorin turned back to the door. Only, it wasn’t a door. No indeed. Not in the faintest. Instead, Thorin stared directly into an enormous, golden-brown eye. The slitted black pupil was as tall as Thoin was. 

The dwarf could have been felled with a piece of Ori’s stitching. “By Mahal,” he breathed. And then, it registered. 

_ ‘He knows his gold even better than you.’ _

The creature’s wing were massive, and they stretched wide enough to shadow the entire Company as the beast stood.

_ DRAGON! _

As if his realization had cued it, a massive tree-trunk came bludgeoning down on the beast’s head, held in a white-knuckle grip by Dori; the damn dwarf was just too strong for his own good.

Thorin was reeling back, already barking orders in Khuzdul, when the beast merely scowled, shaking its head and slowly…  _ shrinking??! _

The company watched in shock as the fuzzy green scales retreated to leave a rather tired looking hobbit. Brown, sleep-mussed curls framed the halfling’s face, and one of his suspender-straps had slipped down his shoulder.

“All right,” the halfling paused to yawn widely, displaying unrealistically sharp canines. “I’m awake. Gandalf?” The sleepy eyes of the hobbit rested on the sheepishly smiling wizard. “Did you want something?”

Absolute silence enveloped the road, minus the hustle and bustle of the far off market and the hasty sputtering of the wizard. Eventually, the Big Person seemed to have gotten his message across, and Bilbo laughed, hopping to his feet and reaching up to clap Gandalf on the shoulder.

“Perfectly understandable, my old friend! Perhaps they would like to come in for tea?” Master Baggins’s eyes roamed the dwarves, lingering on muddy boots of the collective company, and the durin-sigil beads in the King’s hair. “We shall discuss the details of this ‘adventure’ then.”


End file.
